I sort of feel like I need to get something off my chest...but sometimes I hesitate knowing who will be reading this and the expectation of a response intimidates me. So I will try to be as honest as I am feeling.
I am very happy and content, mostly, with my life right now. There are always things that I want and wish for but for the most part--I have everything! I have a wonderful husband that takes care of me and our little family. We do have our fair share of disagreements but I think we have done pretty good at working them out as quickly as we can. I have two beautiful girls that are healthy and happy. I do struggle with being a stay at home mom at least once a day, well maybe just a few times a week, but I do count my blessings that I am able to do that right now when they need me the most. I have a roof over my head. I have enough food to keep my family fed. Adam has a great job with great benefits. etc. etc.
Now to tell you what i really want!! I want lots of money so I can get the things that I really want that would make things a little easier in my life.
I want to be able to buy a house so that I don't have to waste anymore money on rent---especially the $10,000 that we will be paying in our place right now if we stay for the full year our contract is for.
I would love to be able to trust someone with my kids while I worked two or three days a week for a few hours. Someone that would take care of my kids and do fun things and also didn't cost an arm and a leg. Just so that when I came home Brielle would actually be excited to see me and I her!!! Don't get me wrong I love being with my kids, but it is a long day for the both of us and to keep Brielle occupied, for how busy she is, is just hard. We get really irritated with each other and I can tell when Brielle is just trying to get a reaction out of me. I have started doing crafts with her, which I think I still enjoy more than her, we have books from the library that we read, we dance and sing, and watch movies. But we still just have TOO MUCH TIME!!! which leads me to...
I want MORE time at night for Adam and I after the kids go to bed. I want to make things and watch some fun shows that I love and still have time to spend with Adam before it is time for bed. It seems as though our nights disappear on us and we don't even have time to giggle and talk in bed like we used to...not mention the "S" word. The married with children stereotype has swooped us up in its grasp as well.
I want a nanny. Someone that can sit in the car so I can just run in somewhere really quick and not get DCFS called on me. Someone to cook if I want to spend more time with my family. Someone to clean if I need a nap. Someone to play with the kids if I want to cook for my family. Someone to help me load and unload my kids and help me keep track of them at the park or the pool. Someone to stay at the house during naps so I could run a couple errands by myself. Someone to watch the kids so that Adam and I could go on a real date. I used to think people with nannies were terrible mothers. But I take all that back and now I wish I could have one.
I want to teach dance and cut hair again. I miss doing both! I get to do hair a little bit here and there...but its just not enough. I love making people feel better about themselves and giving them a new look or refreshing the old. I want to open a salon where we do makeover giveaways and have a day care...so that moms can get a littel break.
i want to be the enrichment leader again so that I can smooth out the rough edges of my idea that I had in Hawaii. I know it can work and be great for everyone. I love planning things and helping women get together to make friends. I LOVE FRIENDS!!
I want to have ward robe that will fit me for a long time that is very classy and makes me look great. I think I have been watching WHAT NOT TO WEAR a little too much. I feel so frumpy. and BLAH! oh and makeup to match!!
I want our debt to be gone and extra money to start making a difference in other peoples lives. I want to do more service...but who wants help from a mom with two wild kids??!! I have to bring them with me--cause where I go, they go.
I want to read scriptures with Brielle--but she won't sit. I want to kneel and pray, but I am too lazy to get out of bed so I just say them lying down. I want to have FHE every Monday but I just don't know what to do and don't know when to plan it so then it just doesn't get done. I want to be the BEST MOM, BEST WIFE, BEST FRIEND, BEST DAUGHTER, and BEST SISTER etc. etc. I don't feel pressure to be any of the above I just want to be because I love my kids, my husband, my friends, my parents, and my brothers and sisters (in-laws included)!!!
Someone call the WA WA Wambulance--right??!! Well...I guess now you can include me in the generation that wants everything right now! I know I can get most these things but it will take time and i just need to be patient. BUt---I just want it all right now so that i can be my best self or what i think my best self should be. HAPPY & PRODUCTIVE
Meatloaf Casserole
1 day ago
13 comments:
Hi this is mom, we have all felt like that. You need a wife! Ha ha! Anyway, go to a daycare center and look at all those little faces and see how they do not get the love and attention that a mom can give.
I can watch your kids for you sometime if you want. I know exactly how you feel... Sometimes I hate having to take Kensie everywhere with me because it takes 2-3 times longer. I'm probably a boring mom compared to you but Kensie and Brielle might have fun playing together. Let me know if you want to hang out or something and we can see if they like each other.
I think your mom is right. She actually brought tears from me. I have felt the same way as you with me working all the extra money it would bring but then the thought of day care hits and I realize it's not so bad.
and by the way what are you doing next wed? we have a little "beach" type area by me that would be fun to go to for a few hours, has sand a play ground and water of course. after that we could come back to my house for icecream treats or somthing like that let me know. my number is still the same.
okay, so I know I wine to you all the time, but I totally have the exact same feelings. I think you are doing a great job, and to be perfectly honest you have changed mine and emma's life so much, seriously before you moved in Emma sat in front of the tv most of the day, now we do crafts, go on walks, and do so so much with you. You were seriously an answer to my prayers to find a good friend that was in the same boat as me, no money, no house, BUSY kids, etc.....so long story short I think you are doing a great job at everything, you and Adam should go on a date this weekend and I will watch the kids!!!! Even if you just go and get a diet coke (caffeine free of course :)) then go for a walk or something I would be glad to do that.
Story of my life.
Thank goodness other moms feel the same way. I am constantly torn by the fact that I am never good enough, and never have enough time, money, patience, etc. I hate trying to fill the day with things to do I get so worn out! The kids watch way too much tv and we never have fun play time. (we do but not enough) When can we get together and let the kids wear themselves out while we have grown up time? I am open for anything! And by the way...I think you are a great mom!
I was happy to read the comments above! You have good friends! Take them up on the babysitting swap--we do it sometimes and it is great! Also, I don't know what time Brielle goes to bed but I put Clara down 6:30 7:00 and it gives me some nice time in the evening to spend it with Mike or doing something I want. You are great! I also recommend the book I am a Mother by Jane Clayson Johnson--it is very empowering and helps you get through days just like you are having! It is a short read.
Not all daycares are created equal!!!
I think they are a great thing, and ALL mom's need a break sometimes. Whether it be to have some personal time, a date with dad, have a personal hobby etc.
I also think the heart grows founder when it is away. Think……. when you are away from hubby or the kids are away, how much more you want to see them! How much more energy you have to play and DESIRE to play.
I also think that a mom should be allowed to pursue personal goals without feeling guilty that she has left her kids behind.
I strongly believe that MOM needs to continue to develop herself.
I believe that daycare or something like it can be the best thing for a kid! Because kids need to learn how to socialize and interact with other kids, not become dependent on parents attention 100% of the time.
As well as learn how to be away from mommy and daddy, because they need their alone together time. Mom & Dad Still need to date, and if kids are only use to the parents, then they never get to date, thus loosing that precious time.
I also think that sometimes we get too worried about EXPECTATIONS that you have to have the perfect family, the perfect kids and perfect house and have dinner on the table when dad comes home. YA right, seriously there is not enough time in the day. So what if you have TV dinners M-F.
Overall I've learned I am going to do what works best for my family. Some may not agree, but who the heck actually knows what is going on in someone else's family. If you are a working mom great, if you are stay at home mom great.
oh PS: i wanted to say you're a great mom. I can tell by the energy you put into it!
and I am glad when peeps actually say what they really feel.
Because life isn't always roses.
Thank you Brooke and Thank you Kristi! I feel like a total failure 90% of the time and I get a break from my kid M-T when I go to work. I'm so glad someone said daycare wasn't a bad thing because I loved your post and feel the same way, but didn't want to feel even worse for working. Every mom must feel like this and it's nice to have someone fess up and tell the truth!!!
BTW, you and your girls are welcome here anytime!!! We should plan a BBQ or something and I'm more than happy to babysit if you need a date, or time to just be by yourself.
This is for all you moms that do work...DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!!!! BE PROUD. My mom worked 9-1 my whole life growing up and we loved it! MY MOM, ME, SISTER, BROTHER, and DAD!!! She was just able to find really good friends in our neighborhood to watch us and it worked out perfect. WE still spent a lot of time with her, but we also learned a great deal from daycare and made lifetime friends. It is not a bad thing to be working and it is not a bad thing to have your kids in daycare.
For all moms who stay home...We should be just as proud that we are "STAY AT HOME MOMS" it is a lot of work and we mostly are not compensated for it (with money) but we do get hugs and kisses and kicks and screams!!! Just keep swimming!!
GOD LOVES ALL HIS CHILDREN--even "working mom" and "stay at home moms"!! I love you all and you all are great moms!
amen to all of that. we all feel that way
Hey this is Alex. Brooke, you have always been great with challenges. You will over come this and look back and think where has the time gone. I think what women have to go through with kids is way harder than the 9 to 5 grind guys go through at work. just my thoughts, later.
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