I sort of feel like I need to get something off my chest...but sometimes I hesitate knowing who will be reading this and the expectation of a response intimidates me. So I will try to be as honest as I am feeling.
I am very happy and content, mostly, with my life right now. There are always things that I want and wish for but for the most part--I have everything! I have a wonderful husband that takes care of me and our little family. We do have our fair share of disagreements but I think we have done pretty good at working them out as quickly as we can. I have two beautiful girls that are healthy and happy. I do struggle with being a stay at home mom at least once a day, well maybe just a few times a week, but I do count my blessings that I am able to do that right now when they need me the most. I have a roof over my head. I have enough food to keep my family fed. Adam has a great job with great benefits. etc. etc.
Now to tell you what i really want!! I want lots of money so I can get the things that I really want that would make things a little easier in my life.
I want to be able to buy a house so that I don't have to waste anymore money on rent---especially the $10,000 that we will be paying in our place right now if we stay for the full year our contract is for.
I would love to be able to trust someone with my kids while I worked two or three days a week for a few hours. Someone that would take care of my kids and do fun things and also didn't cost an arm and a leg. Just so that when I came home Brielle would actually be excited to see me and I her!!! Don't get me wrong I love being with my kids, but it is a long day for the both of us and to keep Brielle occupied, for how busy she is, is just hard. We get really irritated with each other and I can tell when Brielle is just trying to get a reaction out of me. I have started doing crafts with her, which I think I still enjoy more than her, we have books from the library that we read, we dance and sing, and watch movies. But we still just have TOO MUCH TIME!!! which leads me to...
I want MORE time at night for Adam and I after the kids go to bed. I want to make things and watch some fun shows that I love and still have time to spend with Adam before it is time for bed. It seems as though our nights disappear on us and we don't even have time to giggle and talk in bed like we used to...not mention the "S" word. The married with children stereotype has swooped us up in its grasp as well.
I want a nanny. Someone that can sit in the car so I can just run in somewhere really quick and not get DCFS called on me. Someone to cook if I want to spend more time with my family. Someone to clean if I need a nap. Someone to play with the kids if I want to cook for my family. Someone to help me load and unload my kids and help me keep track of them at the park or the pool. Someone to stay at the house during naps so I could run a couple errands by myself. Someone to watch the kids so that Adam and I could go on a real date. I used to think people with nannies were terrible mothers. But I take all that back and now I wish I could have one.
I want to teach dance and cut hair again. I miss doing both! I get to do hair a little bit here and there...but its just not enough. I love making people feel better about themselves and giving them a new look or refreshing the old. I want to open a salon where we do makeover giveaways and have a day care...so that moms can get a littel break.
i want to be the enrichment leader again so that I can smooth out the rough edges of my idea that I had in Hawaii. I know it can work and be great for everyone. I love planning things and helping women get together to make friends. I LOVE FRIENDS!!
I want to have ward robe that will fit me for a long time that is very classy and makes me look great. I think I have been watching WHAT NOT TO WEAR a little too much. I feel so frumpy. and BLAH! oh and makeup to match!!
I want our debt to be gone and extra money to start making a difference in other peoples lives. I want to do more service...but who wants help from a mom with two wild kids??!! I have to bring them with me--cause where I go, they go.
I want to read scriptures with Brielle--but she won't sit. I want to kneel and pray, but I am too lazy to get out of bed so I just say them lying down. I want to have FHE every Monday but I just don't know what to do and don't know when to plan it so then it just doesn't get done. I want to be the BEST MOM, BEST WIFE, BEST FRIEND, BEST DAUGHTER, and BEST SISTER etc. etc. I don't feel pressure to be any of the above I just want to be because I love my kids, my husband, my friends, my parents, and my brothers and sisters (in-laws included)!!!
Someone call the WA WA Wambulance--right??!! Well...I guess now you can include me in the generation that wants everything right now! I know I can get most these things but it will take time and i just need to be patient. BUt---I just want it all right now so that i can be my best self or what i think my best self should be. HAPPY & PRODUCTIVE
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